Oct 20, 2011

Hello Yellow.

Somehow we all just pick ourselves up and carry on, don't we? 

At first it's just putting one foot in front of the other as a friend tweeted to me this morning.  Always remembering to walk towards the sun because this way the shadows of the past are behind you.  Or towards the site supervisors if you happen to be at my work place. The car park is being built and we have a maze of fences between the bitumen we currently park on to our actual place of work.  I've been lost so many times and nearly walked into the construction site proper.  Thankfully, builders on their ciggy break have been on hand to steer us away from harm and towards the yellow path.

After a while we have that first big laugh that hits you in the stomach.  Mine involved my colleague's story about a bird trapped behind her wall unit and a pair of long handled barbecue tongs.

There is that first conversation you have at work where you feel that you are truly helping someone else and doing something outside of youself.  Being able to lose yourself completely in someone else's heart break or dilemmas.  Somehow this displaces your own loss from your mind, if only for a while.

The emails you write to others giving them hope and the reassurance that they're not alone and that you will be there for them as countless others are there for you.  In the long run, the positive words of hope and faith will do so much more than the cynical and harsh words that may come more easily but do little to help.

The colour yellow is making me smile at the moment.  It's not just a colour here in Sydney at the moment, it's in the air.  The sun is shining and its rays are warming our skin and in my case, my heart and soul.  People are smiling.  They aren't scuttling to avoid the rain or wind.  We are being given a priceless gift for free at the moment with this weather.  And I choose to accept it with both hands.

I've been wearing my RPE Limoncello necklace to death this week.  It's the bright yellow beads that make me reach for it each morning.  A wearable reminder of the friends who designed the necklace and who care so much for me.

I had my first tasty bananas of the year this week.  They are a mere $9.98 / kg at the supermarkets right now.  They have been the highlight of a rather bleak week.  As well as this little piece of news from the Good Living supplement of the paper.  Did you know that baking cakes in jars is the biggest thing in baking blogs right now?  There are recipes everywhere online.  The most important thing to remember though is to use preserving jars rather than normal jam jars that may explode in the baking process.

As to how I'm really feeling?  Not bananas, thank goodness.  Just tired.  Drained.  So over all of it.  The seemingly neverending cycle of hope, uncertainty, loss, grief and recovery.  My stores of reslience are negative.  I am probably in need of an intervention the size of what the IMF is doing for the global currencies.

The good news is, we're all on a break from the emotional and physical roller coaster that is the journey of the creation of the first SSG baby until January 2012.  It was never my intention to write this blog as an onoffical guide to surviving miscarriages but at times it's been like writing a textbook.  At least I can give you a 100% money back, rolled gold guarantee that there will be no more SSG pregnancies in 2011.  I'm sure someone said something about children, poverty, the 90s and Australia too but I'm not a politician so you know I'll be good to my word.

Which is all good.  Really. Because it means that I can fully embrace The Yarra in November, Dubai in December and the entire festive season in Sydney. It's just as well that only one of these depends on Qantas because 'Australia's Own' (their ad agency's words, not mine) national carrier is in union and flight cancellation hell right now. If Mr SSG and I need to walk to Melbourne in November, I will turn it into a sponsored walk and we can discuss which charity to donate the funds to on this blog.

Cheerio and God Bless.


  1. I wish I was in closer...I could make you a cup of tea and spend time in your company.
    You could pat Pepper.

    My heart goes out to you..

  2. I'm glad yellow is so present this week. It is a happy colour, as soon as Frocktober is over I can't wait to wear the bright yellow skirt I have waiting in my wardrobe.

    I totally agree that the warmth and sunshine are making everyone feel that bit better. As your friend said, sometimes we just have to keep on walking - but it is nicer to do it in the sunshine.

  3. I've been reading your blog and feeling for you. You are so very brave in the face of, well shit really....sometimes life just stinks. Things can only get better.xx

  4. Your outlook is amazing. I don't think your resilience is negative - you are showing such strength in helping others as a course of your day job - perhaps some people in your situation couldn't face doing that so soon. And you show such empathy and compassion to others. Bravo, SSG. Brave, too.

    You deserve those breaks. Take care xx

  5. You are so brave! To be able to go on after what you just experienced and to embrace the good things in life despite your loss, is brave! We have a saying where I live, something like this: "An upward slope gives you resistance but remember that you're moving upwards!" xxx

  6. Hostess: I wish we were in the same city too. xxx

    Lisa: loving your Frocktober outfits!

    Carly: we keep each other keeping on, you and I.

    Nanne: they are wise words and true.

    SSG xxx

  7. Such a wonderful approach and outlook SSG, you are quite an inspiration!

    Love the story of the tongs and the bird behind the wall unit making you belly laugh!

    Here's to more sunshine coming your way for the year end, and a great 2012!

  8. SSG you are strong and amazing.

    Enjoy your break & here's hoping 2012 is your year. x

  9. What a timely post SSG!! You're so clever ...

  10. SSG - Have just now caught up on all things SSG ... I am so very sorry. So very very sorry. I am here for you even if only to log in every day and "listen". You are so brave and so centred. Add that to being super stylish and you're one hell of a chick ...
    Hang in there.


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