The Posts That Begin With Soooooo.....

Sooooo.  That's going to be the code, I think, for all future posts about pregnancy.  Not so much a code but a warning, I guess.  Because I know that this blog means different things to each of you and to me.  The book reviews, the food reviews, the travel, the shopping, the riveting details of my everyday life captured for posterity with those unforgettable photographs stills (that sounds so much more 'photojournalism')...

But for others of you, the posts about pregnancy and infertility may resonate more.  Pregnancy and infertility.  Two words that have been dwelling on my mind more than they should given the amount of sadness and pain that they have caused.  Given their prominence in my world right now, how could I not blog about them.  I hope it's a two way street.  That the writing that helps me deal with them could perhaps help even one of you feel less alone in all of this at the same time.

Probably best for me to not try and over explain but I just wanted a way of identifying these posts from the others to give everyone fair warning. Feel free to comment or email if you feel it's all getting into over sharing and overly hormonal territory.  Much appreciated.

Okay.  So I'd better follow protocol.

Soooooo.



Here I am.  The Trying Times are behind me and it is now Time To Try (Again).  Isn't the passage of time a beautiful thing?  It must be the mind's Photo Shop or Blemish Balm.  It smoothes over the sharp edges and casts a warm glow over even the ugliest times.  Then again, it could have been all those holidays and the resultant shifts in time zone.  However it happened, the past is now in its place and all that remains is now and the future.

I've written previously about my apprehension at trying again by whatever means.  Since the Trying Times, I've been alternating between realism (cynicism) and hope (thank you my beautiful family and friends and inspiring library of self help books). The realist wears comfort flats and dwells on the fact that success rates per cycle are not a rolled gold 100%.  The high heeled hoper on the other hand is confident that at the end of the day, statistics are just numbers (and that if you wear heels with everything, your legs really do look longer and your hips leaner).



Today, it's hard to not look at the next few weeks as an adventure.  I am starting my first IVF cycle with all its attendant blood tests, injections and ultrasounds.  There are some things even I wouldn't make you suffer through and a happy snap of the kit from the clinic is one of those.

Even with a glass of wine on the kitchen table, there is no disguising:

  1. The number of needles involved, they do look small though.  Practically invisible - without my glasses on.  But this may not be the best injecting technique.
  2. The fact that it's not just a matter of stabbing somewhere and hoping for the best, I have to dial up a dose ... somehow and mix stuff up without letting any air in.  Seriously, why is there no app for this?!?!?
  3. How yellow sharps containers really are, you never really notice it at work but in someone's kitchen, it really is hard to miss and somehow incongruous.  I don't think anything KitchenAid could compete.  
  4. The fun times to be had at work next week whilst under the influence of The Hormones.  What better time to try and conquer my pituitary axis then the week of some major interviews?

Who really knows what the next few weeks will bring?  I can hope and then I can reflect upon my track record.  Or I can do neither and simply be in the moment.  And not exhaust myself and make an intense time any more draining than it has to be.

I'm hoping that all of this won't be too disruptive to everything else going on in my life but if I'm away from the blog for a while, you'll know why.

Take care and have a lovely weekend,


40 comments:

  1. I really, really hope that things go in the right direction for you this time darling. You've come such a long way. Thank you for being so honest about this journey on your blog - it indeed resonates with your readers. xox

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  2. Darling my thoughts, hopes and prayers will be with you over the next few weeks. It's a tough road, but with it comes the promise of something wonderful. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. K xx

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  3. Red Phoenix StyleMarch 23, 2012 at 9:50 PM

    I am really excited and hopeful! Sending you every ounce of good vibes I can muster. You positivity is an inspiration that I take into my life. Love L xx

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  4. Good luck. Good luck. Good luck! x

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  5. Hi. 
    I could not have said it better myself:)
    Have a great weekend.
    Kiss kiss from Norway

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  6. I so hope that the journey is a successful one. I have everything crossed for you. x

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  7. Wow, you are fair braver than me about sharing your feelings on pregancy and infertility,  I'm great at growing ovarian cysts but not at having a regular reproductive system, I can't even speak or write down on paper how hard it is to attend friend's baby showers or hear of someone else's good news about an impending birth and it feels so unnatural to feel this way about someone's good news.  BUT I want to wish you every success with your IVF treatment and sending you lots of positive thoughts that your hopes and dreams come true xx

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  8. I really hope that this is a success for you. Sending you lots of positive wishes!

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  9.  I'm millions of positive thoughts & prayers your way. xo

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  10. I haven't commented in eons...good luck and my fingers are crossed for you !

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  11. My best wishes coming right at you.

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  12. Thank you Christine.

    SSG xxx

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  13. Thank you, Suz.  Can you believe how complicated patient self injection devices actually are!?!?!?

    SSG xxx

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  14. Thank you, Hostess!  

    SSG xxx

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  15. Thanks, Jessica!

    SSG xxx

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  16. Thanks, Mica!

    SSG xxx

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  17. Hi Cameron
    Feelings are feelings.  We can't often help them but feeling bad about them makes them worse, at least for me.  I think that they need to run their course.  You are not alone in how you have felt about things.  Not alone at all.  I admire you for your honesty and hope for the best for you as well.

    SSG xxx

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  18. Thanks, Aneets!

    SSG xxx

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  19. Helloo SP!!!!

    Thank you.

    SSG xxx

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  20. Thank you, Maxabella!

    SSG xxx

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  21. Hi Lotus

    Thank you for your excitement!!!  It's what I need right now.

    SSG xxx

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  22. Kitty,
    Thanks for everything.

    SSG xxx

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  23. Mez
    I'm glad this part of the blog is of help.  I have come a long way, haven't I?  Bit more zen about it all now.

    SSG xxx

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  24. I don't know you in person, but I think you are in a good mindset to cope with what is a very emotionally demanding process. Wishing you all the best, if you are a realist with some hope - that's the best place to be. Not flats, not stilletos but mid-heels - easiest to take things in your stride ;)

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  25. Loads of positive thoughts and best wishes from our family to yours SSG.  

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  26. Hi SSG, good luck with everything as you embark on IVF. Just letting in the moment as you say & quietly hope for a great outcome. And I reckon a plus side is that if there's ever been anything/anyone you want to yell at you can this week...blame it on the hormones girl! 

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  27. So much luck to you, I wish you nothing but the best for this attempt and I'm so sorry that you have to go through it all,
    xx

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  28. The Distressed MotherMarch 24, 2012 at 11:00 AM

    Excited for you, tinged with a touch of apprehension at the sound of all those needles! Thinking of you and hope it all goes well.

    TDM xx 

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  29. Best wishes for a positive outcome this time!
    Good things come to those who wait.

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  30. Think positive..praying all will go well. 

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  31. Good luck SSG. Thinking of you both and hoping with everything I've got for you. It's such a frustrating process and I hope it works out xxoo Anna K

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  32. Leanne Shea LangdownMarch 25, 2012 at 5:57 AM

    Belief and persistence SSG.  Believe it will happen and try not to give up. Thinking of you and so pleased you are sharing your journey with us so we can hold your hand. 

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  33. As I said - share as much as yoi want to, and take each day at a time.
    I wish you all the best on this journey - and I hope that very soon we will be greeted with some exciting news here on the blog.

    You really are an example of strength and perseverance.
    Much love to you and Mr SSG.

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  34. Sending as much love/hope as possible.

    Don't avoid the blog if things get tough either, rant it out so we can send support

    xx

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  35. Wishing you all the luck, hope and love in the world and more SSG. Xx

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  36. Thinking of you and will keep you in my thoughts. I'm sending all the positive vibes I can from my loins - okay you won't get that but it's a joke between some friends and I. It makes me laugh and smile each time one of us says it. I hope it has the same effect for you. xox

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  37. Dear SSG, I have recently discovered your delightful blog. I really enjoy your writing, style tips, travelogue and tales of life. I send you warmest best wishes for the times ahead - may your hopes and dreams all come to be.

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  38. SSG hope it all goes well for you, I have every part of my fingers and toes crossed for you all the best :)

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  39. Fingers and toes crossed for you!

    Joolz

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