May 9, 2012

The Beauty of the Moment.

It's been quite an emotional week (already) for me and all I feel like doing right now is finding a warm spot, having a bit of a lie down and enjoy being in the moment.  That's not physically possible right now but I do have this photo from the weekend that takes me to there in spirit.

Me having a coffee with a neighbourhood pooch as he does the dog pose under a cafe table.
My mind has been restless with worst case and next worse case scenarios over the last few days.  I've been steeling myself for potential heartbreak whilst trying to soldier on with the rest of my life.  The tea lady at work strongly suspects that I'm the reason her tea room gets drained of Jatz crackers every morning but she's not let on yet.  I didn't wear mascara to work and instead donned my largest and daggiest pair of wraparound sunglasses to work.  Unfortunately, I forgot to put that therapeutic bottle of champagne in the fridge to chill last night.

It was all in aid of today's life defining moment.  The dreaded viability scan.  After the two week wait for The Blood Test comes the three week wait for The Scan.  Which happened late this morning.  For which I was so well prepared I drank 3 times the amount of water required an hour before kick off.  In those minutes before I was called in, crossing my legs and trying not to think of water conveniently cleared my mind of the negative and unfounded thoughts that previously cluttered it.

I'm really pregnant.  Pregnant in that reassuring and deeply comforting way when you can see for yourself on the big screen (and later with that framed take home snap of the ultrasound) what's going on at a microscopic level inside you.  A heart that is beating (or rather flickering) at the rate it should be and a blob that measures the length it should for its gestational age.

It's an emotional time for any woman but for me, it was surreal and unfamiliar as well.  A textbook scan and with it the reassurance that the rate of miscarriage from this point on has fallen to between 5 - 10%.  And it's me we're talking about!  It was just as well I didn't have mascara on because I just lay there interrupting the tranquil darkness with loud and joyful sobs.  Let me tell you, it's never a pretty time to be around me when those waterworks start.  Even when they started out of happiness.

Needless to say, the rest of the day after the scan has passed in a happy blur.


I had a celebratory chunk of chocolate caramel slice with lunch and was thus able to bypass the KFC drive through on the way home tonight.  I found a second wind that has enabled me to make dinner from scratch tonight rather than retreating to the freezer yet again.  But most happily of all, has been the time spent sharing the good news with the many beautiful people who've been along with Mr SSG and I on this at times harrowing and painful journey.

I've written thousands of words trying to describe how I've felt along the way but what I feel now can be distilled to 7 words - blessed, humbled and touched by a miracle.

82 comments:

  1. Oh! What wonderful news :) I'm so pleased the Viability Scan was a success!
    x

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  2. A Farmer's WifeMay 9, 2012 at 7:04 PM

    That's made my day.  I just can't say how truly thrilled I am for both yourself and Mr SSG.


    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  3. So pleased for you.

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  4. This is fantastic news, I'm so happy for you! Enjoy every moment of your miracle.

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  5. My heart is overflowing with love and happiness for you right now.

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  6. I'm so happy for you, congratulations!  That's amazing news =)

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  7. The Passionate ShopperMay 9, 2012 at 8:38 PM

    My heart was almost on hold whilst reading the beginning of this post, I am totally thrilled for you & thanks again for sharing your story with us all x Wishing you all the best

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  8. I am so happy for you - it is the best news :) Thank you for sharing your story. You must be over the moon.

    My Mum sends her love too. 

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  9. Renee - GC Real Estate GirlMay 9, 2012 at 9:06 PM

    Congratulations lovely! I just knew you would get to feel this very special joy eventually and I dont doubt its just as sweet as you always knew it would be. My love, light and very best wishes to you and your little baby (and Mr SSG of course) from me and my little baby (and Mr REG and of course Helen) xxx

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  10. I just want to let you know I am so happy for you that my eyes filled with tears,my heart swelled and began to beat much faster.Even though I dont know you I can feel your pure joy leaping from the screen and it touched me.It took me a long time to have my baby and I know that joy.
    May your journey from here be all you hope it to be and the future hold nothing but love,health and happiness for you,hubby and your beautiful family to be xx

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  11. I am so happy for you! :)

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  12. I have been a lurker for many, many months up until this point. Your news made my day- so happy for you! Your posts are always a treat to read and all your readers are thrilled I am sure!

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  13. Your description of loud and joyful sobs got the same from me! I'm sitting here on the couch with my iPad, half watching Masterchef, and hubby is giving me strange looks, wondering what all the nose-blowing and tears are about! I'm so happy for you xx

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  14. So ridiculously happy for you and Mr SSG.  I was smiling as I read this post.  This is just wonderful for you.  Can't wait for baby SSG.

    By the way, I have pumped myself so full of water for ultrasounds I've almost wet myself while on the bed because they were pressing down so hard.  And then the stupid "you can go and let a *little* bit out."  A little bit?!?!

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  15. Congratulations!  Very happy for you!

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  16. Blessed and humbled to share your miracle SSG!

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  17. YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!

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  18. Red Phoenix StyleMay 10, 2012 at 7:47 AM

    So happy for you and Mr SSG, this is beyond wonderful news. I loved your post about not feeling you can complain about being pregnant because you are so blessed, but complain away! We will enjoy you being real about your pregnancy, just as you are about everything else on your blog! Congrats again and much love from all the RPE crew. L xx

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  19.  Oh what joyous news dear SSG. Congratulations to you and Mr SSG.
    I am so thrilled for you. xx

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  20. Very very happy for you&hubby!keep posting!I'm now 26wks after similar story to yours-each day is a gift, we are blessed.all love

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  21. Each day is a gift-so very happy for you,hubs&your peanut!

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  22. Congratulations again on being 'really' pregnant :-)

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  23. Congrats! Very happy for you. What an amazing time for you guys. Wish you all the very best with the rest of the pregnancy. 

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  24. That is such fantastic news! I love reading your blog and am so happy that this looks to be working out for you. Good luck for the next 9 months or so xx

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  25. Oh SSG, mega congrats to you! I'm so glad for you that things are progressing so well....about bloody time, hey? Now to put some (non-alcoholic) champers in the fridge.

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  26. Long time lurker but first time commenter. I'm so happy for you. Treasure this time as I'm sure you will, and I look forward to going on this journey with you via your blog. Thanks for sharing your joy with us. Fxxxx

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  27. YAY YAY YAY!! Congratulations!


    I'm so happy and excited for you, and can't wait to see and hear about the adventures of Baby SSG!

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  28. I'm literally grinning from ear to ear for you as I type this! =D wishing you and the family all the happiness in the world, SSG x

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  29. I didn't know what you'd been through and have just gone back and read your archives. Your strength truly leaves me without words. 


    I am happy for you and also hopeful that things stay so wonderful for you, finally.

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  30. Lorraine @ Not Quite NigellaMay 10, 2012 at 4:13 PM

    Wow a big congratulations SSG! What wonderful news! Can't wait to read more about the pregnancy as it progresses :)

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  31. Wow! Wow! Wow! Superb news and heartfelt congrats to you and Mr SSG from the north!

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  32. Best news I've heard today. Congratulations to both of you. Look forward to hear more about your pregnancy journey. Take care! 

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  33. Chic an dstylish! follow each other darling? Kisses

    FashionSpot.ro

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  34. wonderful post ssg, only just read it now!  how surreal it must all be for you.  but so exciting and full of hope and promise.  looking forward to seeing more happy posts as you progress along. xx

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  35. I'm so happy that everything is going well!! Congratulations! Wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy xx

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  36. Conratulations! I've been away blog world quite a long time and this is the best news that I found online today! So happy for you and your husband! (I'm in my 17 weeks now, hope we can share some good infos together) Tiffany x

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  37. So happy for you both Xx

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  38. SSG I just wanted to say congratulations again, I am so so happy for you. Only very few people know we are facing infertility at the moment. We have been trying and seeing a specialist for 2 years. This is how I found your blog and reading this is made me cry, happy tears. I am honestly so so happy for you and your husband, to be starting your family. Congratulations again! I wish I could be this happy hearing others pregnancy announcements, but after knowing the struggles you have been through this was nothing but good news for me to hear. I am truly happy for you, you will be a great mother. 

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  39. Oh SSG, I just saw this and got a little teary! I'm so happy for you and Mr SSG, I can't even imagine the relief and excitement you must be feeling. Looking forward to following your journey xxx

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  40. Best of luck with your own treatment!  Thank you for taking the time to write and I hope my experiences have given you hope that it can and will happen.

    Take careSSG xxx

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  41. Thanks Acacia!

    SSG xxx

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  42. Tiffany!!!

    So glad all is well with your pregnancy!  

    Take care

    SSG xxx

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  43. Thanks MrsG!!!

    SSG xxx

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  44. Thank you, ballet flats.  What a pleasant change to be writing happy posts about all of this for a change!

    SSG xxx

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  45. C1
    Thank you for all your support and hope these last few months.

    SSG xxx

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  46. Thanks Sean!

    Hope all is well with you and the family.

    SSG xxx

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  47. Thanks Lorraine!!!!


    SSG xxx

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  48. Oh Hannah, thank you for such lovely words.

    SSG xxx

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  49. Em, bless!

    SSG xxx

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  50. Cat, Baby SSG will probably have no part of his or her life undocumented.  Thank you for your kind wishes.

    SSG xxx

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  51. Miss Piggy
    You think of everything.  I have fizzy grape juice in the fridge as I type.

    Thank you

    SSG xxx

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  52. Thanks, Clea!

    SSG xxx

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  53. Thank you, Dressedandeaten.

    SSG xxx

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  54. Thanks, MissD!!!

    SSG xxx

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  55. Oh ladies,
    Thanks so much for everything this last year and a bit.  For the friendship and the support.

    Lots of love

    SSG xxx

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  56. :-)

    SSG xxx

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  57. Thank you, Toni.

    SSG xxx

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  58. Thanks, Christine.

    SSG xxx

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  59. Thanks, Su!

    Glad I'm not the only one who goes the extra mile :-P

    SSG xxx

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  60. Oh Suz, bless!

    Thank you for all your support.

    SSG xxx

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  61. Thank you, Meghan!

    SSG xxx

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  62. Thanks, MIca!

    SSG xxx

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  63. Debyl1
    Thank you.  It's one of those moments where you actually forget a large part of the painful journey that you had to go through for this to now happen.  It is joy.

    SSG xxx

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  64. Thank you, Di!

    SSG xxx

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  65. R,
    Don't think I could have got through these last few months without Helen staring back at me.

    Thank you

    SSG xxx

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  66. Thank you, Carly!

    SSG xxx

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  67. Thank you, TPS!
    SSG xxx

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  68. Thanks, Christine!

    SSG xxx

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  69. Miss P, 
    Thank you!

    SSG xxx

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  70. Essemgee,
    Thank you!!

    SSG xxx

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  71. Thank you!

    SSG xxx

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  72. T,
    Thanks for being there in those early months and in general.
    SSG xxx

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  73. Thank you, cramble!

    SSG xxx

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  74. Thanks Kate, really appreciate everything you've done to help and support me over the last few months.

    SSG xxx

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  75. Some comments got missed in the transition from blogger to Disqus but I had to respond to both of them.

    rachel - thank you!

    galactic - congrats to you too!  

    SSG xxx

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  76. Happyeverafter BrideMay 12, 2012 at 12:12 PM

    Oh I missed this piece of fantastic news! Congratulations New Mommy! Can't even imagine how brimming over with joy and goodness you both must be feeling now.

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  77. Words fail me. You know. Right? But big love and the biggest, fattest of congratulations on this, a perfect day. xox

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  78. congratulations x

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