I just wanted to write to you to say goodbye properly but I'm struggling to find the right words. I don't remember any other year of my life which has managed to bring both great joy and sorrow simultaneously.
I have such mixed feelings about your leaving to make way for 2014. I'll be glad to see the back of you because it will signify that the past is getting further and further behind me. But 2013, you were also a year filled with firsts that I wish could last forever and that time could stand still as far as those special moments are concerned.
And then there were times which were quite painful and traumatic. It was the element of being caught totally by surprise that I found the hardest. The faith and trust in things that were not quite what they seemed or promised to be. The somewhat naive belief that how you treat others will be the way that they treat you in return.
The funny thing is that every single day of you was a cause for celebration. Not a day went past without at least one little thing to feel grateful for, one experience that made me feel happy to be alive and healthy. Over this year, people have been brought into my life saying just the right thing at just the right time.
You'd never tell from browsing Amazon but there are in fact some situations in life for which self help books haven't yet been written. Sometimes, all you can do is to have faith. In God, in yourself, in the good people around you. Sometimes, all you can do is accept because fighting is futile, draining and turns you into a person you'd rather not be.
As I look back on the mole hills (that I made into mountains via this blog) of my life before 2013 hit me like a truck, I realise that I was being prepared for a year of life defining change. Issues I'd faced before in their 'lite' version were brought back into my life with such force this year that I'm sure they should have been labelled 'super concentrate' or 'dilute before use'.
So I guess it's goodbye, 2013. You were quite a year. I seem to be at that stage in life where every year is 'quite a year'. So much change, so many defining moments. It's no wonder the years fly by faster and faster and I feel older and wiser as they do. As always, I end this year even more grateful than I was last year for the good and beautiful people I call my family and friends. For their generosity, their support, their concern and their time. I know I've shared many an F bomb loaded conversation with you this year and I thank you again for just listening and dropping a few of your own in solidarity.
I don't have resolutions for 2014 but rather hopes for how I will navigate the uncharted territory that the year will inevitably deliver. May I keep my eye on the bigger picture and when in doubt, remember to just breathe and know that it will all be all right in the end. Even if I can't see how at the time. It just will. But in the meantime, there will be love, good books, shopping, travel and that gorgeous little boy of mine who will bring smiles to my face that reach both my eyes and my heart.
Take care and may we all take from 2013 the best that it gave us and leave the worst where it belongs.
To new beginnings and a wonderful 2014 for us all.