Apr 24, 2016

Lovin' Life 24/4/2016: Calm Understanding.

Being a bit deep and meaningful in this week's post.  Sometimes it's what you need to ensure you fully love your life.



I know that you know that I know that we both know that parenting isn't what we share on social media.  Parenting is what goes on between the edited and in some cases staged moments.  


It's the things left unsaid on status updates or tweets.

It's what you do through the good times and the not so good.  It's the unglamour and the unyummy.

It's the heart to heart talks you have with wise older souls who've been there and done that, it's the debriefs with your fellow warriors as you take a break from the front line over a beverage and superior snacks (with your little ones never too far out of your line of sight and range of hearing, just in case and because).

It's those unexpected moments of solidarity shared with strangers at the shops, gruff words of support from the most seemingly unlikely people.

It's your own ability to empathise and support where once you'd have been a bit smug and judgemental.

But most of all it's the little one or ones who have been entrusted in your care.  Their ups and downs, their calms and storms, their seemingly continuous cycle of growing up a bit (and away a bit from you) then adjusting to the change and then doing it all over again (and again).

The thing is, while at times it seems like it's the giving is all one sided so much is given in return.  In ways you'd never have expected or, let's face it, hoped for.  But somehow, what you receive ends up being so much better for you.  It's what you need rather than what you want.

I've had one of those reflective phases this week where I think I've finally understood what it is my preschooler is trying to give me and I think also, that I'm finally able to receive it as a gift rather than seeing it as a source of frustration.


I've realised that what I need more than time, sleep or patience is calm understanding.  Because being calm and trying to understand feel much better than their opposites.  Both for myself and everyone around me.

Finding the calm is empowering.  To know that this to will pass.  That you are in control of your emotional reactions and that you have the power to let go of that which is negative and counterproductive.  It's not just the stuff of inspirational social media accounts, it's a life enriching way of thinking.

Part of understanding is to see the joy.  Not just in the obvious days filled with sun, giggles and hugs.  But also to find it through the days where joy might not be the first word that springs to mind.  When everything's a battle of wills and of not being heard.  Days when the floor's been mopped five times and still looks a bit grimy.  Days when every meal requires four complicated options involving lots of washing up and ultimately lots of things being scraped into bin from plates or off the floor.  Joy can be relative and it can take a while to find.  But it's always there.




For every moment where you have no choice but to proceed with calm understanding are those equal and opposite moments which give you reassurance that you are doing a good job after all.

Have you been given the gift of calm understanding in some aspect of your life?


12 comments:

  1. This is such a lovely post SSG. Calm understanding. I think we could all use that in our life ... whether with preschoolers, kids in general or just in life!
    Thanks for joining in the Lovin' Life Linky.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Leanne. I really look forward to my Sunday posts as part of Lovin' Life.

      SSG xxx

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  2. Kids and messes go hand in hand...embrace Joy in those small things everyday...you are wise. SSG.
    I can reassure you they grow up SO fast. Our daughter has just celebrated her 37th birthday and will be eloping with her Kiwi fiancee and honeymooning in Australia and NZ this coming Fall...

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    Replies
    1. Well put regarding kids and mess, Leslie.

      Congratulations to your daughter.

      SSG xxx

      Delete
  3. This is lovely and I think so important. I try to take joy in the little things.

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  4. Oh SSG I think everyone who reads this understands...what a time it is to become a parent and there it is "life responsibility without a handbook" . We are all making up so much of it as we go along. EVERYONE is and of course what do we think? We are the "only" ones. I too have been having some calm understandings and reassurances this past few weeks....about how to be "ME" because I have been someone to everyone since I was 21 and finally, now I am facing up to being me. It's taking me a while let me tell you! Love this post so much and let me tell you I offer my grandma support in words or a kindly glance wherever i go these days now that mine are not longer so close to us in a physical sense. Denyse xx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your words of support and wisdom, Denyse.

      I am so glad you're on that journey to YOU.

      SSG xxx

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  5. Beautiful and so much more. Written from the soul. Goodness, I've had my parenting ups and downs and the reward is a note written by your adult child and left under your pillow to say 'I love you, I don't tell you enough and thanks for everything you did for me.' However, I am going through struggles with my 17 year old but social media is my escape so it won't touch there.

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    Replies
    1. Hello Anna

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I respect your decision to keep social media and parenting separate. I try to the same and hope that my references to parenting here and elsewhere are respectful but also truthful.

      SSG xxx

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